Thursday, December 17, 2020

Fuck the Caves of Chaos, Part II

 Alright, so.... 

Apparently, there is now an Advanced Players Guide for OSE that has shit in it that the boxed set books don't have. That's kind of aggravating, considering I've not even had them for a year. 

Last night, the players decided to buy a bunch of hunting dogs, which are better and cheaper than 1st level fighters, and take them into the caves. 

I didn't want to run a combat between like 8 dogs, the party, and every orc in Cavern B. I used the mass combat rules from the Cyclopedia. It sucked just as much. 

After initial success, the players decided to do a "stealth" mission, but they literally do not know how to explore a dungeon without seeking out unnecessary combat. The magic-user's sleep spells and a lucky hide in shadows roll saved them. 

The orc chief used the secret door to go to Cavern C. The players camped outside Cavern B. The orcs marched a force from C toward B and the players ran and hid. The orcs from C secured B. 

The players ran back to the camp and tried to buy more dogs. There were no more dogs. Meanwhile, I was going to have the orcs trap the corridor with the noise-jangling net and then just have like ten of them fire on the party with crossbows and just end this fucking shitshow.  

Then I decided fuck it and had an earthquake cave in the Caves of Chaos in the night. 

The players decided to go loot Cavern B. If that trap had actually been there, they would've walked right the fuck into it. Right. The. Fuck. Into. It. 

Instead, there was a glowing portal unearthed by the quake. The party avoided it and started looting the Type D treasure I had placed. Then they discovered a floating ball of protoplasm that disintegrates shit. It disintegrated one of their dogs. They hid, then ran. 

Keep on the Borderlands is going into the box that I use to store shit I eventually plan to take to Half-Price Books and trade in. The same might happen to about half the classic modules I own. 

We're not playing again until January. Come January, all the dungeons are going to be weird. No more rooms full of orcs and goblins and shit. I'm not ready to go full-on "acid fantasy" (whatever the fuck that means), but I think I've had enough Caves of Chaos type garbage for one lifetime. 


  1. I have so many comments. But I just don't have time at the moment (I shouldn't have even spent the time to read this entry right now, but the title was irresistible).

    Still waiting to hear about those druids.
    ; )

    1. I think I replied to you elsewhere saying that I'm doing a spell comparison to cement my position.

  2. This is great. Love hearing people shit on the classics.

  3. I had some good luck with B2 recently, but my players didn't approach the caves like idiots. Still, after a while I was bored. Even with other places to explore, they kept heading back there. Got pretty monotonous, even with updating some of the caves' monsters.